Definition: The specific brand of delusional retail therapy where a sexually frustrated man buys bizarre, intimacy-adjacent celebrity merchandise as a symbolic replacement for actual human connection. Named after the infamous bathwater soap phenomenon, it represents spending money on the idea of desire while actual intimacy remains drier than the Sahara. Symptoms include justifying purchases as “collector’s items” while staring mournfully at unopened packages. It’s the equivalent of watering a plastic plant and expecting orchids.
Example: “Dave’s got full-blown Sidney Suds Syndrome—his shelf has Hailey Bieber’s ‘glazed donut’ body spray, Timothée Chalamet’s used chapstick, and a candle that smells like Chris Evans’ bicep sweat. He told me they’re ‘investments,’ but bro still sleeps hugging a body pillow.”