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Anxiety Blindspot

Definition: The specific, frustrating inability to perceive obvious positive social cues (like someone being genuinely into you) because your own crushing self-doubt and nervousness completely obscures reality. It’s when your internal monologue of “They’re just being nice/polite” or “Everyone secretly…

Finality Fumble

Definition: The catastrophic, irreversible mistake of letting anger, pride, or unresolved resentment sabotage the very last chance to connect meaningfully with someone important before they’re permanently gone. It’s specifically that gut-punch moment where you had a critical opportunity for reconciliation…

Timequake Diagnosis

Definition: The earth-shattering, life-altering realization that a major mental health condition (like ADHD) went undiagnosed for years, causing academic, professional, and personal chaos that could have been avoided. It’s the specific flavor of regret that hits when you realize a…

Micro-Squint

Definition: The terrifying skill of decoding a person’s entire emotional state or hidden agenda from a fleeting, almost imperceptible facial tic or momentary shift in body language that lasts less than a blink. These human lie detectors don’t just see…

Drama-Dar

Definition: The preternatural, borderline psychic ability to identify future walking dumpster fires in human form years before their inevitable meltdown becomes obvious to everyone else. Possessed by individuals (often survivors of chaotic upbringings) who can instantly clock subtle tells of…

Vibe Chameleon

Definition: A person whose social adaptability is so unnervingly precise they become functionally invisible while simultaneously reading you like an open book. They master the art of calibrated indifference, projecting just enough friendly disinterest to disarm suspicion while subtly steering…

Mommyware

Definition: The psychological antivirus software kids instinctively install after learning a parent works in adult entertainment, designed to aggressively filter any potential exposure to their content. This includes meticulously avoiding certain pornhub categories, pre-screening movie credits for aliases, and developing…

Dynasty Damage

Definition: The unique social fallout experienced by the offspring of adult entertainers when their parent’s stage name or filmography becomes public knowledge within their peer group. It encompasses everything from awkward locker room interrogations to having your mom’s vintage centerfold…

Orphan Goggles

Definition: The involuntary psychological filter that activates when someone discovers their parent(s) in adult content, instantly transforming arousal into existential dread. It’s the brain’s emergency shutdown protocol triggered by familial recognition during personal leisure time, effectively rendering the viewer temporarily…

Grounds for Panic

Definition: When your vomit resembles used coffee grounds – dark, gritty, and looking like it was scraped out of a diner’s percolator at 3 AM. This isn’t last night’s espresso revenge; it’s literal blood chunks from your digestive tract staging…