Definition: A person whose pathological aversion to spending money transcends ordinary frugality, evolving into an Olympic sport of resource extraction and expenditure avoidance. This isn’t just clipping coupons; it’s a lifestyle marked by surgical extraction of the final molecule from every container, whether it’s toothpaste, shampoo, or ketchup, often involving scissors, spatulas, and borderline hazardous contortions. The Cheap Skate views any non-life-threatening purchase as a personal failing, engaging in elaborate internal debates worthy of a philosophy thesis to justify not acquiring even modest luxuries. They exhibit behaviors like using grocery bags as trash liners religiously, treating restaurant menus like hostile financial documents demanding pre-investigation, and believing upgrading a phone before it literally disintegrates is morally corrupt. Their world operates on a principle of fiscal asceticism as a twisted badge of honor, where saving a dime justifies any level of inconvenience or social awkwardness. They see food waste not just as uneconomical, but as a cardinal sin, capable of eating the same leftovers for days without complaint and viewing discarded restaurant portions as evidence of societal collapse. Turning off lights isn’t environmentalism; it’s a holy ritual. Their clearance rack radar is finely tuned, and a “going out of business” sale is their Super Bowl. Underneath the surface often lies deep-seated scarcity trauma, but outwardly, they project an unshakeable sense of ethical superiority derived from never paying full price.
Example: Dude tried to convince me his 2012 flip phone with duct-taped battery was ‘retro chic’ and environmentally sound, refusing my offer of an old smartphone.\nHe then spent 20 minutes meticulously scraping congealed mayo from a nearly empty jar with a butter knife for his sandwich, muttering about “perfectly good food.”