Definition: The immediate, non-negotiable demand to return a specific sentimental or absurdly mundane item that holds inexplicable personal value, usually delivered with intense, borderline-psychotic seriousness. Originating from cinematic hostage negotiations involving stuffed animals, it now describes any situation where someone draws an irrational line in the sand over a trivial object. The protocol implies that failure to comply will result in disproportionate consequences, ranging from sulking to full-blown tantrums. It’s the hill you’re willing to die on, even if that hill is a plush toy.
Example: “When Dave tried to borrow my lucky novelty coffee mug for the meeting, I immediately enacted the Bunny Protocol. I told him in my best Cage whisper, ‘Put the ceramic badger back on the shelf, Dave. This isn’t negotiable.’ He looked terrified.”