Definition: A driver who claims the left lane as their personal fiefdom, cruising exactly at (or 0.5mph above) the speed limit while oblivious to the growing convoy of rage behind them. They fancy themselves the “pace car” of public roads, enforcing speed limits with smug determination despite zero legal authority. Their presence transforms highways into mobile waiting rooms, inspiring fantasies of teleportation devices in every tailgater’s mind.
Example: “The Grand Prix Pretender in the Lexus blocked three miles of highway, convinced they were ‘managing traffic flow.’ Meanwhile, eight of us were drafting behind them like NASCAR rejects. Passing felt like escaping a hostage situation.”