Definition: The act of bombarding a partner with 47 texts/calls in 15 minutes while shrieking “EMERGENCY!!” because they drove past a Starbucks without checking in. Perpetrators weaponize anxiety as affection, treating Life360 like a hostage negotiation tool and involving friends as unwirsting search parties. It’s less about genuine concern and more about digital leash-yanking – the modern equivalent of tying someone to the radiator “so they don’t get cold.” Bonus points for claiming cardiac arrest when the ‘crisis’ was an unanswered meme about cats.
Example: “Jake launched a faux-mergency spamming campaign when Maya’s phone died during yoga. He called her mom, our group chat, and her dentist before posting ‘MISSING: 5’5″ BRUNETTE (LAST SEEN DISRESPECTING OUR LOVE)’ on Nextdoor. The ’emergency’? He wanted approval to eat her leftover pad thai.”