Month June 2025

Satin Candy

Definition: Any dust-coated pastel candy fossilized into a sedimentary layer at the bottom of your grandma’s decorative dish. Requires chiseling with improvised tools (car keys, butter knives) to harvest a single chalky lump. The reward for this archaeological effort is…

Satin Candy Syndrome

Definition: Refers to any disastrous candy encounter where the experience is so memorably vile, sticky, or structurally frustrating that it leaves permanent psychological scars. Named after those decorative, fused-together satin candies requiring tools to pry apart, only to reward effort…

Comfortsentials

Definition: The baseline package of emotional and physical necessities required to prevent total human meltdown in modern society. Not luxury items, but the absolute bare-minimum comforts that keep you from screaming into a pillow or rage-quitting adulthood. Typically includes: one…

Soul Spackle

Definition: That quick, desperately needed emotional/mental patch-job you grab when life’s crumbling. Think a surprise nap, impulsive junk food, retail therapy under $20, or a genuinely good hug – anything serving as instant, shallow relief for your frayed sanity. It…

Friction

Definition: The cumulative, low-grade rage generated by life’s tiniest obstructions and inefficiencies. It’s the actual physics of frustration: when slow-walking sidewalk blockades, rogue hairs invading your sandwich mid-bite, or a buffering stream create resistance against your basic desire to just…

Gritfray

Definition: That specific, skin-crawling rage when minor physical inconveniences and oblivious human behavior collide, turning your chill into a feral urge to yeet objects or shriek into the void. It’s the slow-motion sidewalk blockade, the wind plastering your hair into…

Monday Morning Quarterbacking

Definition: The obnoxious habit of rewriting traumatic events with your own imaginary heroics, especially when criticizing someone’s real-life reaction to violence or crisis. Commonly deployed by keyboard warriors who swear they’d “throw hands on sight” despite never facing genuine threat…

Keyboard Krav Maga

Definition: The phenomenon where someone confidently declares the hyper-violent, flawlessly executed ass-kicking they would have delivered in a traumatic situation they only heard about online. Rooted in zero actual experience but fueled by internet bravado and action-movie fantasies. It highlights…

Daylight

Definition: The visceral moment when chronic depression begins to lift, marked by a sudden sense of lightness and clarity. It hits like flipping on a light in a pitch-black room—colors sharpen, strangers’ smiles feel genuine, and joy flickers unexpectedly after…

Gloompop

Definition: The exact moment your depressive fog lifts like a punctured stormcloud, leaving you blinking in sudden emotional daylight. Feels like a champagne cork popping in your chest cavity – that fizzy, unexpected jolt where colors sharpen and strangers’ smiles…