Definition: The desperate stench of a salesperson who only activates their charm after realizing you have buying power. Characterized by sudden commission lust and whiplash-inducing personality shifts when money enters the conversation. Often involves social Darwinism where customers are ranked…
Definition: The profound, soundtracked sadness experienced when legendary composer John Williams dies, characterized by suddenly hearing his iconic themes everywhere and feeling intensely orphaned by the loss of the man who scored your childhood dreams. It’s the collective sob you…
Definition: The uniquely devastating sense of loss when David Attenborough eventually passes, stemming from the realization that the soothing, authoritative voice narrating Earth’s natural wonders for generations will fall silent. It’s not just mourning a man, but mourning the extinction…
Definition: The invasive, always-online DRM requiring players to log into distant servers just to enjoy a single-player game they legally own. Forces gamers into digital intimacy with unstable corporate infrastructure, often climaxing in rage-quits during server outages. Essentially a forced…
Definition: A delusional human who genuinely believes their mere desire for something magically obligates others to provide it immediately. Often manifests in demanding freebies, skipping queues, or expecting unlimited emotional labor with zero reciprocity. Recognizable by pouty entitlement, performative outrage…
Definition: The deeply unsettling, soul-crushing sensation of stepping into a puddle or damp surface and feeling moisture instantly breach your sock barrier. It combines the squelchy betrayal of wet fabric clinging to your toes with the lingering chill of despair…
Definition: A scandalously charismatic Wi-Fi name implying your router has a history of inappropriate data exchanges and firewall breaches. Perfect for routers in shady basements or when you want to imply your internet has a notorious “presidential” appetite for risky…
Definition: A Wi-Fi name designed to terrify boomers and conspiracy theorists by masquerading as a top-secret 5G bioweapon transmission hub. Combines pandemic panic, tin-foil-hat 5G fears, and overly technical jargon for maximum neighborhood chaos. Bonus points if your router actually…
Definition: The passive-aggressive digital era’s version of your neighbor awkwardly flirting via router. It transforms a mundane network broadcast into a territorial, vaguely threatening declaration of proximity. Perfect for when you suspect someone’s stealing bandwidth but lack concrete evidence, so…
Definition: When a therapist weaponizes your vulnerability by accusing you of “trauma dumping” every time you share literally anything heavier than brunch plans, despite that being the entire point of therapy. Characterized by audible sighs, eye-rolls, and zero actual coping…